i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
