So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
