got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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