Buhtt sex?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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