somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
