We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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