he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
