Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
