Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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