I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
