You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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