I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize