is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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