He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
