I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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