My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
