his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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