I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
