Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
