one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
