He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
