I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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