i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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