i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We have started to decorate penises.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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