I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
