im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
