somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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