Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
