the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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