That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
