Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
