You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
