Moan for me like Helen Keller
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
