In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
