found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I am mentally ready for anal.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
