I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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