Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
