I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
