Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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