i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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