if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize