someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
