I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize