I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
