So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
