In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
