I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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