Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize