I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
In America we eat man semen.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
