uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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