Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
