i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
