like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
