I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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