What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
home. puking in laundry basket.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
