my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
