If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize