You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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