I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
