Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
