NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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