where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
