11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
