I accidentally burped into my bong.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
