we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
