what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
