do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
