took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
