grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You know, be my cock's hype man.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
