I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He shit in the fireplace
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
