I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
