Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
