Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
