Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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