i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My bed smells like the plague
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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