i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
