I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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