so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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