Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
