google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
