she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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