So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
