yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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