seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
