I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
