i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize