Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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