dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
