let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
