There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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