Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I checked into jail on foursquare
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
