the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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