piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Banned from zoo.
Again?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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