I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
