I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
