He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
