You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
