I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You've changed since you got that strap on
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