i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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