he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
