I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
