There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
