i permit you to call me
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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