You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
