She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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