i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Randomize
